Pure as a Dove
by Ferrero
Summary: As if to reinforce others' view of his unpredictability, he was pure as a dove. -Ignores most of the series-


**H O U S E ****M.D.**

A Fan Fiction:

**Pure as a Dove; the Day He Fell Asleep Soundly**

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Summary:

_ As if to reinforce others' view of his unpredictability, he was as pure as a dove._y

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Gregory House is a man whom many automatically classify as an unfeeling jerk incapable of love. He has hookers to fool around with because of the lack of attention from regular females. Word says that he offers them twice the usual customer is willing to pay. Guess what? They are all wrong.

Gregory House is a doctor who has saved many lives and feels satisfaction deep down inside. Nonchalance is a mechanism that kicks in whenever he sees even the slightest hint of possible hurt that may befall him. Gregory House is not an unfeeling man. He feels pain and he suffers from betrayal. His uncaring mask is there to help him cope with the hurt. Without his mask he is vulnerable. He doesn't want to be hurt again. He doesn't want to trust someone so much it ruins him to have them turn a back to him. He doesn't want to search and find nothing but receding footsteps and unending darkness.

He doesn't want to be disappointed.

His tendency to shove words back into someone's face was birthed from wounds that never heal. A single failed relationship left him insecure and unwilling to allow another being into his life. Wilson clawed his way in, House didn't have a say in that particular friendship. He knows that with affection comes with risks of pain he isn't ready to experience again. He admits to himself he is weak but he doesn't let it show. Sympathy doesn't make him feel any better. It does, however, make him more susceptible to caring for others. If anyone tries a little harder than they are now at getting through to him he vows that they will succeed. He is that weak. He puts all his reserves into maintaining the barrier it exhausts him, but he keeps it there. He knows if he lets it crumble painful reality will get to him again. He wants to live in his delusion for as long as his will allows him to. He is not a jerk.

He is just afraid.

One day, years ago, he wakes up to an empty bedside. He never forgets the day his heart failed to live again. It tore at him both inside and out to reach out and grasp nothing. He loved her. And she is the reason to his suffering. Her flight from his life leaves him empty and cold and unable to feel the desire to love and be loved. He fears the pain it will bring. He sometimes wishes his mind isn't as sharp as it is that he may be allowed just a few seconds more of a beautiful illusion. He locks his heart away and promises never again to wear his heart on his sleeve and tell someone he cares for them. It hurts too much. Every day he goes home and looks in the mirror to see another crease in his brow and twist on his lips. He has developed a reputation for being bitter and he likes it. It keeps him away from possible emotional hazards like disappointment and grief. When he is home he drops the twist and gains another crease. It shows how wary he is.

He resents his weakness.

He is painfully aware of the advances Cameron is making but he chooses to ignore them. He imagines what she must feel when she meets his ice cold gaze. He injects a bit of menace into his eyes and attempts to glare. His pale blue topaz eyes are no longer the window to his soul. They have long since been shut and do nothing but observe the world with a critical eye and mirror the secrets of humanity right back at them. He shows everyone their lives no matter how hard they suppress it and it helps him distort the image of his own. Now his eyes are hard and steely and are nothing more than another shield for his fragile heart. They appear to flash dangerously at anyone brave enough to meet them.

They are a necessary safety precaution.

He suppresses the natural lust that humans are born with and despite popular beliefs, has not slept in the same bed as a woman before. Hookers are just another excuse for him to keep his distance. Wilson chides him about using the couch but he is sure that even that piece of furniture has yet to see him topless with a woman. He believes in doing nothing beyond a chaste kiss before marriage. Perhaps that is why Stacy left him, but he is a non-conformist, the only thing just about everyone is right about. He keeps his body clean and free from sins and he doesn't intend to change it. He is reserved until the very end of his only non-platonic relationship and because he had been oblivious to the workings of the world that he let Stacy deal him a crushing blow when she turned away from him. He is just about as innocent as any child then and it cut him deep. He has never considered the word 'betrayal' to be in his dictionary and it brings him to a rude awakening of the ugly world outside his utopia.

He doesn't know what to do so he wears a mask over his emotions. He has no idea how long he will keep up the façade.

Allison Cameron knows all these about him. She sees how his eyes sometimes reflect deep hurt and his brows crease as his lips twist as if he is in agony when he thinks he is alone. She sees the blatant transparency to his heart in his eyes become so obvious for that few seconds that she wonders how she has been convinced he may be as unfeeling as everyone says. She knows how he lets his mask slip for that precious few seconds as she scrutinizes his features when he let his angst wreck his body. He slumps in his chair and covers his face with his hands like he is ashamed. His grip on his cane tightens and loosens at very awkward moments as he tenses and relaxes. Then, like it never happened, he stands up abruptly and drops his hand to reveal unnervingly sharp eyes. His posture recovers some of its dignity and he contorts his face into his favorite mask of indifference. She sighs and turns away every time.

She understands that he is unable to cope with harsh reality and prefers life nestled deep in the crevices of the world; to be blissfully oblivious to his surroundings. She hates to admit it but she recognizes that his heart is more fragile than hers and that his remarks about sleeping with random women and ordering hookers are all false. His insecurities sometimes get the better of him and cause him to rage out at others with sarcastic remarks about their personal life.

She identifies that every single thing, or most of them, that comes out of his mouth and past his lips are lies.

Perhaps she is just sensitive but she can almost see him shivering in the cold blizzard no one else has ever experienced. He wraps his arms around himself in a futile attempt to stay warm. He has gone through so much that so little people have encountered and she doesn't blame him for wanting to distance himself from everybody else. Being a person who is extremely aware of even the slightest of changes in emotions she can tell when someone is hurting more than he should be, or that someone has suffered so much more than he should have and fears the second wave.

She stands by and watches from the afar how he jerks away from anyone who is seemingly growing on him. She comprehends that he is fearful of being left in the ditch again, of raising his hopes up high then having them trampled all over. He acknowledges that he is incapable of even living if such should happen and he dares not risk falling in love again so he builds up a fortress. The majestic barricade stood tall and proud – constructed by ice and snow and his frightened hands. His desperate effort to ward out possible emotional wreckage works like a charm. No one in the hospital would stand by him for more than two minutes with the exception of his team, Wilson, and Cuddy. She glances at the wall and sees Wilson slowly making his way up, and then watches as the wall grows higher and higher, smoother and smoother. Wilson is struggling to advance and by some chance, a small crack appears. Wilson pushes his fingers into it and grabs on. He is not giving up.

She then notices her own figure, standing right at the bottom of a section where the wall in excessively thick and slippery. She wonders for a brief moment why that is so but leaves the query unanswered when she found no reason. He will, understandably, have one as to why the specific area was more heavily guarded than the rest and she knows that it is not in her position to ask why. She stares as her figure heave deeply and glace at the top of the wall longingly.

It is strange but she feels herself grow fonder of him. She doesn't understand why. He doesn't look at her in any special way or lift some of his snarky pretense around her. Every coy glance she throws his way gets reflected right back at her as if he doesn't know what is going on.

On a day similar to the others before it she has a sudden surge in confidence. She goes up to him and forcefully snatches his mask from him. She wants to see him exposed. She tells him she is confused at what she is feeling toward him and she asks him if he knows what to do. He merely slouches in his chair and bites his lower lip. His eyes close and the space between his brows wrinkles. He looks like he is about to break down. She quickly starts to retreat but at his sudden wavering command to stay she stopped. She turns around and finds him shivering in his chair with his head bowed. She rushes to him and hugs him tightly, whispering that she will be with him until he is able to stand on his own two feet and cast aside his mask. He tells her, choking, that he is too weak and will take a long time to get better. She tells him she will stay with him until the end. He thanks her.

She sees a gaping hole at the foot of the wall of ice and walks through to embrace him. The hole closes up behind her but she doesn't care.

He has let her in.

She suddenly understands why he is, no, was, so defending against her. He was afraid of the pain she may cause him because of the gravity of his affection toward her and he needed that affection as far from her as possible.

But everything has changed.

They spend the night in each other's arms swaying back and forth gently as the rain patters gently on the window.

For the first time in many years, Gregory House is unafraid.


End file.
